Two Year Anniversary!

Well- It has been two years- since my last post. Bad. The fact that it doesn't surprise me is even more "bad."
What have I been up to for these last 730 days? A lot has changed and a lot has not. I have a two year old little boy and a little daughter on the way. I'm overwhelmed by it all as family life as become the focal point. What has not changed is the fact that I still continue my journey with Christ- inside the narrow corridor where my faith meets my reality. I resolve this year- 2012- to become more authentic. I long for my faith to mirror my everyday life more and more, thus becoming more like Christ. The past two years my spiritual growth seemed to be a stagnet as I wallowed in indecision and effectiveness. I had a career change in there as well so that has added to the muddle that I find myself in. I know God is in the whirlwinds- but I need Him to be in the muddle as well.
So- I am also hoping to write more this year. Not sure who is out there reading this but for me- its an outlet. 2012 is going to be a good year....I just need to be ready for it.

Nice addition!

From the Gospel Coalition website:



Welcome Thabiti Anyabwile!
On behalf of The Gospel Coalition I want to welcome Thabiti Anyabwile and Pure Church to our blog network. Like his colleagues on the network Kevin DeYoung and Ray Ortlund, Thabiti is a pastor on the front-lines of local church ministry. He loves the church and longs for her purity. This is why Thabiti blogs. And this is why we are grateful to have him on our platform.

For those of you just getting to know Thabiti, here are some important points of interest:

Thabiti is prolific. At his blog you will see some of his many writing accomplishments as well as one forthcoming title (Spring 2010).
Thabiti also writes regularly for Church Matters, the blog of 9Marks Ministries.
Thabiti is one of the keynote speakers for the Together for the Gospel 2010 National Conference in April.
Thabiti is a self-professed Calvinist and Pharisee (you’ll have to read his posts here, here, and here).
Thabiti is a Council member with The Gospel Coalition.
More could be said, but one of the best ways to get to know Thabiti and benefit from his ministry is to read his blog on a daily basis. And to make that easier you can subscribe to Pure Church here.

The Gospel Coalition longs for a more pure church. So does Thabiti Anyabwile. And that’s why we’re so glad he’s here. Welcome Thabiti!

difficult scripture

From a blog I read-




The most difficult ever written


"The books of Israel's prophets are among the most difficult in the Old Testament, and probably among the most difficult books ever written."

Delbert R. Hillers, Covenant: The History of a Biblical Idea, page 124.

God did not give us a comic book. But precisely because the Bible is so challenging, it's satisfying. God treats us like adults.

There's something about our culture that leaves us men feeling deeply trivialized: "My capabilities are video games, pornography and goofing off, I will never change, and I see no reason to change." Then along comes the gospel and tells us that we matter to God. Along comes theological grandeur that lifts our minds into lofty things. Along comes the cause of Christ that gets us working in ways that will still matter a bazillion years from now.

At the center of this revolution is the Bible. It gets us reading and thinking and studying and discussing and going deeper than we've ever gone before, deeper than we've ever dreamed of going.

Thank God for the Bible. Difficult, but not impossible.

the wine press

God is good.

I'm sure there is a greater biblical meaning to the term 'wine press', but for now, I can feel its' pressure as I seem to be entering it. Maybe my actions, or lack of actions has started the wheels of God's wine press ready to iron out some wrinkles I've been creating. Though uncomfortable I must endure for on the other side lays change.

My wife and I have discovered that our growing baby is a little boy. The joy I felt at that moment was best described as awe. From my perspective, my family has been generations of 'what could have been.' Not that I lost hope...actually I had lost hope but it humbles me to see that God did not and has seen fit for my family name to continue. He sees something in us. Where I am faithless, He is faithful.

What scares me is what lies ahead in terms of the type of man, husband and father I will be to my wife and son. The wine press will surely get to this inner place where a lot of darkness and sinful ways seem to be hiding out. I'm sure the exposure of some of this in the wee hours of the mornings as we are awakened again and again by crying baby are inevitable.

Ideas of ministry and following Christ's direction in our lives is part of the wine press as well. Indifference and apathy have held a place far too long in my heart and in order to iron that out, God must move again and so the wheels of the wine press turn- forcing us out from under or comfortable lives and in to the adventure that is God's Kingdom coming.

The term 'press on' means a bit more today.

God is good.

the open space of a re-orbit

In Traverse City, MI, there is a place that sits just off the little town that the locals call 'the open space'. No secret to what it is, just open space. The area is a cool hangout and provides a quick get away, if you need it, from the already small town. I love open space in the physical sense. I love the blank canvas, the open air, the breeze, the change of scenery. All of it seems to bring a refreshing that I can't find in the daily background of where I live. Parks also provide a nice get away so you get my point.However, when it comes to open space in the internal areas of my soul, I do not deal with it well.

I've never been one to attack life. My circumstances growing up only taught me to REACT to life and I've been fighting against this ever since.
I long for structure but want to test authority.
If I am free to roam, I long for boundaries.
If I'm told I can't- I want to.
If I'm told I can- I don't want to. And on and on.....and on.

But at this point in my life, I have entered the open space of my soul. I have re orbited to a place that I'm not too familiar with. After being forced to grow up so fast, I have been able to finally catch up to the speed at which my life was going. For the first time I have ground underneath me on which I can walk and there is a stability that I do not really know what to do with. I guess this is what they call becoming an adult. Funny thing is, though we age, it doesn't always mean we can get to this point.

Of course, there is a huge God story in all of this. I tend to be more Calvin in my theology because I KNOW what is IN me and I KNOW that it has been the grace of God and nothing good in me that has brought me to this point. But what does it all mean?

As I think of it, within the open space is God. Within the Red Sea, God was in the open space. In the desert, God was in the open space. God is always leading us, though the path may be too hard to discern. Up to now, I've been carried most of the way, like the man and the footprints story, but I feel like I've been set down. For me, this is a defining moment, where I turn over the fear of being loved by Love itself. The moment where I start following the Great Navigator of the open space and trust Him. I'm not much for hiking but the journey must continue.

The Way normally is through a crooked and narrow path, but I've reached this open space and I still find this part of the journey less traveled.

He knew me from my mothers womb...

My name is Tony, and the year is 1979
Beginning of me, therefore I could see
Through my belly button window who I am in time..

I existed in a womb, just like an abyss
Created from God’s hand, my hands balled in a fist
Punching on my moms stomach, kicking on her cervix
Twitching cause I'm nervous
Though my intended purpose
Was to be born again, not in scorn or vain
But to glorify His name, and the path chose for me
Bloodstream full of red cells
Developing eyes
looking out my belly button window
My father's face wears a smile
but I'm wondering will my parents stick it out
Cause if not I'll go back to God’s town
So I could rest longer before I come back down
The chute again, in the near future when
My moms and dad can agree on this
Sister here before me it seems all good now
they got a 120 days to do what they want
But as for me coming out this is my only time
So stay together, keep me, and just make up ya mind

They must wanna keep me, cause 4 months past and I'm still alive
Guess I got what you call an ill-will to survive
When I look hard the lights is killing my eyes
I know when moms is laying down cause I get bored and start to get live
Move side to side hear loud music and vibe
this little baby was born with rhythm thats no lie
Solar energize, mineralize food through my mothers tube
I'm covered in this thick layer of goo
Month two was the least most comfortable
My umbilical cord choking me
But month 3 was closer, see
Watching 'em yell, heard my moms voice well
no fist fights, but I was terrified when they yelled
While they sat silent and only looked at the wall
I wondered if I am born will I be safe at all
This place they call the world though my view was so large
Couldn't wait to get up, grow up and take charge
Month 5, Month 6 went by, hoping I'm born in July
But the Lord already figured out a date and time
October 16th, 79
Get ready world, doctors in the front waiting for the time
Arms open cause they know when I drop, the family curse gonna stop
See how Satan will start re-thinking his plot
Month 9, I’m making my move- no labor induced
Dad told my mom to push and take deep breaths too
Said stay calm, holding her arm, I'm trying to hold on
Surgical gloves touching my scalp, my head pops out
Everything blurry, my first breath screams out
Tears pouring down my dads face he's so proud
Wanted to hold me, but I was so bloody
They washed me off and he said " Hey, he isn’t so ugly!"
Placed me in his arms snuggly, laid me on my mother
Finally, I got to see who held me in her body
She loved me….


Inspired by the Nas song "Belly Button Window"

Coffee Theology

I have been working on a post about my issues with the topic of open theology for the past...say....two weeks. I was in over my head right after I wrote the words open theology and about half way through, I had to stop because one- I had to get back to work and second because there is no way I'm fitting inside an appropriate blog length. So there it sits under "edit posts" like my hallway wall waiting to be painted.

What I realize now is that I started writing that in Starbucks after a nice iced mocha. When the espresso hits me, I am changed. My thoughts become clear and it's as if I have insight and perspective that rival the reformers. Luther, Calvin, Frabott, Wesley. Open theology was there as a sitting duck and I was positioned for the shot.

Now, two weeks later, it is evident that my shot missed. It's sad I know that I need coffee to stimulate my brain and that my natural energy is comparable to solar energy running a car but I'm wondering how many others have coffee theology? Is coffee is the Jesus juice of the church? We serve it in our church and no matter how bad I think it tastes, I love every drop of it.

This was just an observation post with a bit of exaggeration in order time finishing my open theology post ,which I will, but when I'm not drinking coffee you can see what I write about here- http://1stand20.blogspot.com/

Drink up!